The Threadfin Salmon
THE THREADFIN SALMON
Terry went to Noosa, it was his dearest wish
To go out with the Phantom and catch the biggest fish
He nagged the Phantom cruelly to get out in the boat
But we knew that if he caught a fish he’s fairly start to gloat.
Now the sea was really pounding and the Bar was just like hell
No way I’d go outside in that nasty eight-foot swell
And the only other option down my spine did send a shiver
That was trying to catch a fish in the bloody Noosa River.
Oh there’s heaps of baby whiting and loads of tiny bream
Juveniles and infants in those waters swim
But to put a stop to Rawlings we duly launched the boat
And down the rivers’ reaches the intrepid three did float.
The Phantom worked it out, this was a piece of cake
There’s a twenty foot deep hole downstream from the Lake
This’ll be a beauty, this’ll be a lark
I’m sure to get young Rawlings hooked up to a shark.
For great big dirty holes are the places sharkies like
They lurk around the bottom and stuff themselves with Pike
There’s nasty looking cat fish that should trick the lad alright
And Hammerheads and Whalers surely give a fight.
So they anchored up at noon, the worst time of the day
Just out from the mangroves in a kind of little bay
And Terry asked for tea and some sandwiches with jelly
And can you bait my hook please or my fingers will get smelly.
So I baited up his rod and slipped the fishy in
Terry sat beside it with a quite expectant grin
Then John’s rod fair exploded, you should have seen it bend
When he wound the line in there was no hook on the end.
Terry’s reel went screaming but of course he missed the strike
So it was left to me to bait another pike
Two more runs he missed and then he cried Hooray
He had a monster on and the fishy he did play.
A monster shark, thinks Phantom, oh what a wondrous trick
But twenty minutes later the Phantom felt quite sick
A bloody giant salmon rose beside the boat
And Phantom missed the gaff shot he aimed at fishy’s throat.
The threadfin went for parts unknown (I hope it gets away)
But Terry hauled back, it really spoiled out day
I sharpened up the gaff and nailed him in the gills
Wishing he had headed for the safety of the hills.
Then I called the local tackle shop to call the TV station
So Terry could amaze the wankers of the nation
But luckily it was too late, we missed the 7 news
If he ever gets another it’ll drive me to the booze.
Phantom